Maybe I should back up?! Did you even KNOW I was in jail? I was. It was awful. People beat me up and the guards starved me… Ok, maybe I’m streching the truth. But, not exactly… Let me just show you what I’m talking about.
This here is where they’ve had me locked up. I’ve always called them the “jail rails.” Now, I’m not bashing these. Well, actually I did bash them with a hammer. Anyways, I’m sure in the 1970s they were top of the line… but it’s 2014 baby. They also just weren’t my style. They made everything feel so cramped and closed off. Isn’t that how jail normally feels?
So, let me tell you the story of how I broke out of jail. I’ll even include pictures of the suspensful event. First off, I borrowed a hammer from a rogue inmate named Sinbad. Don’t know how that guy snuck it past security, but I’m sure glad he did. This is where it all began.
I grabbed my hammer and took a whack at the base of the middle post. It shifted a little in position, but didn’t move much. I decided I should do a few pushups to get my adrenaline pumping. Once I was all pumped up, it was on like donkey kong.
I loosened the base of the post and then went to town on the top. Now make sure you are holding it with one hand and hammering with the other. If that thing would have come down on my head, it would have knocked me out and I would have missed my chance to escape.
Here I am getting ready to run.
That middle post was out and I was about to be a free woman… except… I had gained a little more weight than I thought while being locked up and all. My fat butt wouldn’t fit. My cell mate, who happens to be a very sexy lumberjack with huge muscles, could tell how distraught I was. So, he helped me bust out the rest of the way.
I’m gonna have to send that fella some love notes. He’s still got a couple of years to serve before he’s out on parole. Maybe we’ll get married when he gets out 🙂
Well, I’m free now and it feels SO good.
I heard thru the grapevine that they were going to have to replace those posts I tore out because that’s a load bearing wall and the jailhouse was about to fall in. My friend on the inside sent me a picture of what they had in mind.
What do you think? It think it’s gorgeous. I’ll share more deatils on the beams in another post very soon… including price, where we bought them, and updated photos.
Did you like the “jail rails” or prefer the new look we’re going for? Did you know I was locked up? You do now! I better get going. I need to report to my parole officer. Leave a comment below.